February 3, 2011 · 4:35 pm

Preparing Sibling for New Baby's Arrival: Some Thoughts

Sibling Transition, Preparing Sibling for New Baby, 2 Under 2

Announcing Big Brother Jeebs at 10 months old!

Now that I've properly freaked every pregnant woman in my presence out with the realization that bringing home their second child might be turbulent and traumatic, you can come to terms with a few realities.

  1. Realize that your delivery might not be easier. You might need more recovery time, Or you might not. (even with a completely easy pregnancy the post labor pain is usually much worse with baby #2) Again, thanks for warning me, people.
  2. Accept the fact that you might be more tired.(Duh. you've been running after Big Baby for the last 9 months) Or, you might not. Everyone's different.
  3. Be prepared that you might worry more than you expected about the Big Baby at home. Or, it might be easier for you than you thought. Everyone's different.
  4. Realize that everyone is different, including yourself (in relation to your first pregnancy).
  5. Be flexible, if possible. If you take the attitude that you are going to 'roll with it,' hiccups might seem less daunting. Or, if you are like me, they might not.

That said, make a plan. Prepare your life. I probably over-nested, but when I went on bed-rest and needed extended help, I was glad I had.

DO:

  • Cook ahead and put some meals in the freezer (you won't get as much help then you did when you had your first – people think you are an expert now. yippee).
  • Arrange help (from anyone who offers) and prepare yourself to be 'in the moment' once the big day arrives.
  • Make sure you say YES when people offer to take Big Baby on a fun adventure. You'll be glad for the break, and Big Baby will enjoy the extra attention.
  • Make a Care Plan that includes Childcare Instructions, Household Information, Birth plan and Emergency information. If you'd like to see mine, comment below.
  • Spend quality one-on-one time with your first child – go to the park, read books, sing songs, watch movies, do yoga, watch him play. Just enjoy him. You'll spend the months ahead with divided attention.

DO NOT:

  • Spend every waking minute stressing out. Instead, enjoy yourself: take a walk, go on a DATE; take a bath or an uninterrupted nap (both, please, for me, ok?). Also, definitely eat some creme brulee.
  • Nest yourself into a tired frenzy and yell at your spouse.
  • Forget that life goes on once little baby arrives. You will get through it. You will sleep again eventually.

I made every plan I could for child care, but in my view, I didn't adequately prepare Jeebs or myself for the emotional impact of this change.

Therefore, DO:

  • Spend lots of quality time discussing this event as a family.
    • Read books about new siblings together;
    • Draw pictures of your new family with your young one;
    • Buy your child a baby-doll to practice playing with (emphasize the concept of 'gentle touches' and 'kisses');
    • Involve your child in doctors visits – let him or her hear the heartbeat or see the ultrasound;
  • Pamper yourself and your spouse:
    • Have a second baby-moon, reconnect before the big day;
    • Establish a regular, no-excuses, refuse to miss it, date night;
    • Eat lots of desert and watch lots of movies;
    • Strengthen your spiritual life, whatever that means to you.
  • If you have two under two?
    • Get a double stroller and a sling;
    • Get a second crib. Don't try to rush your older child's transition to a big kid bed.

Once the new baby arrives, there isn't all that much you can do. The way your family adjusts will be unique to your own family, how much help you have around, and your general attitude. Remember that your dual role now is to care for the emotional needs of your older child while maintaining the physical needs of your newborn. As your newborn turns into an infant, you'll be able to shift the focus and multitask with both kids.

  • Keep your older child with your family as much as possible – bring the help to you, rather than shipping your older child off to Grandma and Grandpa's. Make sure he or she feels included. We did not do a good job of this, and Jeebs' re-entry was more difficult because of it.
  • Some of the best advice, given to me by my home care nurse, post delivery, was that I didn't need to immediately drop everything (including an activity with my toddler) at the sound of the newborn's squeaks. If your newborn is properly fed and diapered, he can wait one or two minutes while you wrap up with your toddler. Say things like, "The baby is crying, you are important, let's finish this and then go take care of him."
  • Talk to your child, as you do daily tasks, about how you did them with him/her. "When you were a baby, we swaddled you, too." "When you were a baby, we used to make these funny faces with you all the time…" It will help Big Baby feel like he got the same treatment at the same age.
  • Involve you child in 'helping activities.' You'll be amazed at what the big brother or big sister blossoms into in a short amount of time. Start with: "Can you bring Mommy that diaper?" and move to, "Jeebs, where are the wipes?"
  • Try to be in the moment, give your children lots of love.

2 Under 2, Preparing Sibling for New Baby, Getting ready for baby number 2, Irish Twins

And Remember, It's Literally ALL GOOD no matter what.

I found some good resources for further reading, you can find them below, if so inclined. What helped me the most, though, was to read Courtney Kendrick's posts about the transition to being a mother of two. It made me braver. Relevant and extremely meaningful posts located here and here and here.

Other stuff to feel totally expert-like:

  1. Baby Bunching's "New Baby" Tag
  2. Your Child: University of Michigan Health System
  3. HealthyChildren.org's How to Prepare Your Family for a New Baby
  4. Babycenter's Preparing Your 2-year-old For a New Sibling

Filed under 14 Months Apart, Family, Motherhood, Parenting, Pregnancy, Two Under Two, Uncategorized

Tagged as 2 under 2, Baby Bunching, Big Brother, Big Sister, Family Preparation for Newborn, motherhood, New Baby Sibling Preparation, Pregnancy